just some random thoughts here and there
6:00 A.M. I was walking to school half sleep. The terrifying sound of “Bang” from an airplane in the sky wakes me up and brings back memories of my childhood, when I was crying at night waiting for mom. She was a full shift flight attendant, so I was raised at my grandparents' house nearby Incheon International Airport. Every night, the house was filled with three-year-old me’s bawling cry for my mom. To stop this bawling cry, my grandpa took me to the rooftop of an old and run-down house and pointed at every incoming airplane telling me she is returning on that one. He too did not know in which plane my mom was on; however, his white lie was sufficient for me to stop crying and go to bed listening to the bittersweet melody performed by the plane engines. Now, I am still hearing the same melody near John Wayne Airport missing the old man in South Korea.
7:15 A.M. The second class is orchestra and I have to be ready to lead. I always start with a funny joke to break the ice. This is what Mr. Fisher, the conductor of my middle school orchestra, taught me. He was the first teacher who paid attention to me and rooted the confidence in me. His encouragement pushed me through and I, for the first time, wanted to take the lead in the violin part. By the time I graduated, I was a section leader of the violin section. So, I throw a silly joke to orchestra members just like what he did; I feel like there's a pice of me that went missing after he passed away but in his place remains the legacy he left in me: to lead with confidence.
12:15 P.M. Lunch time. I was around with friends. Many friends who can eat with me. There is no longer a boy looking for a friend to eat together for lunch because his English isn’t good enough. Opening a lunch box, I see Kimbab (Korean vegetable roll). My dad used to compare me to rice when I got a bad score at school saying all good rice food requires a certain time to be cooked. Slow food is not popular because people don’t want to wait, but when you get sick or serious about diets, people can see the value of it. I am eating Kimbab and telling myself not to get discouraged with grades in Math class. Also, the key for the best Kimbab is a good combination of all ingredients inside. Not too much, not too less. I am steering my life like a good Kimbab wishing what if Math class would be all about finding the perfect mixing rate of ingredients for Kimbap.
Moments later, in between the blinding spotlights and the dark night sky, I can feel the enthusiasm to which my schoolmates are cheering me on as I am announced the Homecoming King. I remain frozen on stage as the announcer brings me a crown and a sash. As I stand in the middle of the applause, my mind unconsciously starts scrolling to past memories that brought me here on stage.
I feel a sense of uncertainty on what this new title implies for me, bringing me a fair amount of distress and worry. However, with the variety of different thoughts I had onstage, I realize that uncertainty is not something I should continue to fear; rather, something I should take pride in as an indicator that I am constantly challenging my boundaries to experiment and explore new fields.